Sunday, March 28, 2010


Lucy: Did you know that I'm African-American?
Me: Really?
Lucy: Yes. From South Israel.
Me: Oh.
Lucy: And I speak Spanish.
Me: Of course you do.

Would that make her sort of a Latina Sammy Davis Jr.?

would this be funny if it happened to someone else?

1. Husband gone.
2. Sick.
3. Three-year-old taking waaaay too long to fall asleep.
4. Moving. In four more days. Yes, I mean the whole house in boxes.
5. Baby waking me every hour.
6. Insomnia in between some of those wakings.
7. Upon waking, finding cat puke all over the carpet.

Merry Christmas. Would someone please get me some caffeine? Perhaps laced with something stronger, like heroin?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

pet sounds

Today Lucy said, "Mama, I want a dog."

Surely most children say this at some point. And since both Dyami and I are really not (not!) dog people, I know that we will not be getting a dog anytime soon. Or ever.

But I was actually flabbergasted that Lucy asked for a dog, because she runs screaming to me any time a dog comes near her. Even a chihuahua on a leash.

How do you think it would be, dear child, if there were a dog in the house all the time? Would you just stay in one room while it was in another?

I guess we'll never know.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

(lack of) conservation of energy

The law of the (lack of) conservation of energy is as follows:

F+S+N+X =/<0, where:
F is the daytime fussiness quotient of the tiny human,
S is amount of sleep everyone is getting,
N is whether the small human is napping,
and X is anything else that can go wrong.

If S is positive, then (at least) one of the other values must be negative, since the total value must be equal or less than zero.

Baby starts sleeping? You will decide to major home renovations and/or your toddler will stop napping.

Toddler starts napping? Baby will start being inexplicably fussy all day, and/or you will get sick.

Getting better? It's tax time, and the older one catches your cold.

This explains why I keep expecting to catch up, and I never do.