Friday, July 6, 2007

frustrations

So I've been (nail clawingly, fist thumpingly) frustrated with sleep lately.
Let's start with the most obvious problem. Lucy is waking up a lot at night. Last night it was every hour until one am. It was a pleasant surprise that she actually slept decently until 6 am. The problem is, when she wakes up every hour, I start not falling asleep afterwards. Which makes me cranky.
I know I have posted about this problem a few times. And then we have a reprieve of a few days, and I think "It's overrrr!" And then it starts again.
I would very much like to know why this is happening. I know, no one can really tell me. Here are three obvious possibilities:
A) she's teething.
B) I'm sneaking wheat/soy every few days.
C) she's gotten into a bad sleep habit.
If it's A, then there's not a whole heck of a lot I can do to change it. (No, no obvious signs, like red gums. Yes, she drools. She's been droolling for seven months now, so it's nothing unusual)
However, if it's B or C, one would think i could do something about it, and I would very much like to do that thing.
What I hate about sleeping badly is that it makes everything else about motherhood so much crappier. I feel bad about myself, discouraged, and irritable at Dyami. I question every parenting decision I've made. I agree, generally, that the world is going down the crapper, and that I'm doing nothing (NOthing!) to stop it.
Then when I get a few nights of good sleep I get all cheerful and start feeding small birds.

But the thing that was also frustrating me the last few days is that Lucy's naps have been crappy, too. Short, for one. Also hard to get her to fall asleep. Very hard. Like pulling hair hard. (No the italics are not a mistake).
When one is sleep deprived, one wants the baby to just fall the heck asleep already!
I decided last night (brilliant!) that perhaps the schedule that was working for a few months no longer works. That she needs more time between naps (and is possibly moving to one nap? Please, sweet Jesus?)
I immediately felt better. I hate being in nap limbo, but it's worth it if we settle down into a discernable pattern in the next few days. Plus, it's just so tiring and impossible to fight a baby's sleep schedule. Or lack thereof. She will win. Every time.

Maybe pray that we will start getting some better sleep, soon.
She's sleeping now, by the way. Glory, halleluia.

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