so Lucy is almost a year old. It's coming up in a few weeks. Today, in the car (D and I went for an "exciting Friday night outing" to Home Depot to buy kid-proof door latches! Are we hip, or what?) I was thinking about how far we've come in this year. Remembering back to when Lucy was just this little human blob that cried at the drop of a hat (and she was a happy baby) and then back to when she was just learning how to roll over, and then when she could push up to all fours, etc, etc, I realized something really astonishing:
I'm pretty glad all that is over.
I know, I know, call me a terrible mother, but I have to agree with Phyllis Tickle. I really hate babyhood. Love the baby, hate the behavior, is my new motto. There's a lot to like about Lucy--but almost all the things that really make me joyful to be a mom have happened within the last few months--with more joy just over the horizon, when she can walk, talk, and stop putting everything into her mouth.
It's not very misty-eyed or romantic or whatever, but I love her interested, curious, much more independent self. The first part was a little suffocating.
On reflection, I think my favorite part of being a mom is the wonderful cuddles. Not the passive newborn nestle, but the throwing her arms around my neck and leaning into me kind of cuddles that touch something very basic in my psyche. There's nothing like a baby hug. I told Dyami that I think the reason it's so special is that there's no asking for the hug, no making it happen--it just happens when Lucy decides it's time, and I'm the grateful recipient. She hugs me because she longs to, and not because of any coaxing on my part. And it's special, too, because it's fleeting--I can usually get a minute of good cuddle (she's a snuggle-muffin, really) but when she decides to stop, it's done. And, for now, anyway, it's special for me--she does it occasionally with Dyami, but so far, not with anyone else.
Of all the things I will miss about babyhood, I know that will top the list. Because I'm sure there will come a point where the hugs won't be spontaneous and so full-spirited on her part, though there will be different joys then.
So yes, I'm not a big babyhood fan, but there are parts of it that are pretty sweet.
Good night, all. I hope you get a baby hug sometime soon.