notes on kiwi

1. Lucy loves kiwi! You give her a tiny slice, and she demands another, then another! She nods as she eats it, as if to say, finally! You get the kind of person I am!
   
2. You're very excited to see her loving a new fruit. You give her several slices.
3. At the next meal, you give her a few more slices, then think: perhaps I should stop before she gets kiwi-induced diarrhea.
4. You stop.
5. Lucy gets kiwi-induced diarrhea anyway.
   
6. When children get kiwi-induced diarrhea, they poop a lot.
   
7. Kiwi-induced diarrhea smells kind of bad, and is a nasty color.
8. It gets all over those hand-washable woolen pants you love so much.
9. It contains small black seeds that also get all over everything.
10. You give the child the phone to play with while you're cleaning her, since it is a big job, and you don't want her touching the nasty poop.
11. She rubs the phone into the poop.
12. Then she sees the nasty poop on the phone, and touches it, and (of course!) tastes it.
13. She does not look nearly as excited about the poop as she did about the kiwi that produced it.
14. It has been a long morning.