honestly?

I've been having another doubting moment with homeschooling lately. Lucy again asked to go to kindergarten: please please please may I go to kindergarten, and said she didn't want more special mama time and did not like her sister, or being at home, and everything she was saying was right, and we were wrong and nananana she wasn't listening any more.

It was a real confidence booster.

I feel for the girl. It sounds like she wants to go because big kids go to kindergarten (no not all of the big kids we know go, but apparently the ones that count do). Also, she just wants to.

I know it frustrated me immensely as a child when I didn't have a choice, or a say. Ironically, that's one of my reasons for homeschooling, because so often school is all about doing things because other people think they're important.

So: it's a dilemma. Here's a place where my child is calling out for choice, and I don't want to give it to her.

We'll try it, we'll make something work.

But it's funny, the argument, and her lack of enthusiasm for our days has left me questioning the whole endeavor. Perhaps if I were more trained, less of a messed-up person, more perfect in some way, I could guide her more ably. I don't think being trained or perfect would prevent her from wanting to go to school, mind you. I don't think that's about me as much.
Or: Is she really learning anything? is this time as rich for her as I'm thinking it is? Is she bored with our life? Is she longing to escape?

Feh.

Thankfully, the day after our fight, I suggested building a treehouse for her fairy dolls. We got her started with bark and sticks and leaves and such, and now there's a fort with escalators and beds and banquet halls. (No, not fancy, just imagined). It's lovely, and rich, and we're going on three days of her going out there to work on it and play.

Something is going right, even if everything isn't.