go for the gold

Dear Competitor,
Welcome to the Baby Parenting Olympics, the world's premiere "athletic" showcase of the skills of parenting infants. As a participant in this year's games, you can enter in a variety of challenging events to demonstrate your mastery of both standard and extreme sports:

Co-ed:
Meconium
Diaper Changing: Darkened Room
Baby's First Meal: Cleanup
Parenting: One Child
Parenting: Two Children
Parenting: Many (also in Extreme Sports)
Temper Tantrums
Figuring Out Baby Gear (Breast Pump, Sling, Car Seat)
Eating Something
Getting Sleep

Women Only:
Nursing while Standing Up
Nursing while using the Commode
Nursing Multiples
Birth (also in Extreme Sports)
Sanity for Stay at Home Moms

Men Only:
Mom's Out of Town (also in Extreme Sports)
Bedtime without the Boob (Also in Extreme Sports)

Extreme Sports:
Flu Season (one child, two children, or whole family)
Changing Diapers: Blindfolded
Long Waits at Restaurants
Vacation/Airplane

We hope participating in the Baby Parenting Olympics proves to be both challenging and inspirational. In keeping with the spirit of the Parenting Olumpics, no medals will be awarded, and none of the events end--they just turn into the Toddler Parenting Olympics. All competitors will receive a complimentary spit-up stained shirt and a diaper bag*. Please also enjoy the free Purell stations and the constant stream of kiddie music/videos. **

Sincerely,
The Parenting Olympics Committee

*Diapers not included.
**Childcare not included.