Friday, December 22, 2006

the problem

Maybe the problem is that there is no problem.

Exhibit A: My baby is happy.
Exhibit B: My baby is healthy.
Exhibit C: She barely cries at all.
Exhibit D: She sleeps through the night (last night 11 hours straight. Man, how does she do it?)
Exhibit E: She naps. A lot, for uncomfortably short periods of time. On me, so I don't get a break.
Exhibit F: Despite Exhibit E, she does not seem sleep deprived (Exhibit D, and the usual baby tiredness at the end of the day).

I realized today that my anxiety about her naps (besides the no-break frustration) was that I kept asking myself if Exhibit E was Normal. Is it Okay? Is my child having some sort of Problem? According to some charts, my baby is not Usual at all.

I called my sister, Katie, a mom to a lovely 6-year old. "I feel like I'm doing it wrong," I told her.
She was very supportive. "There is no wrong way, Heather. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking that way. Kids are all messy and un-neat and..." she trailed off.
Can you guess who is the Neat, Organized one in our family? "You mean, I can't just figure out the Right Way and get an A in raising Lucy?"
She laughed at me. With me. Something.

I mean, I don't want Lucy to nap 5x a day for 30 minutes when she's one. But somehow, I doubt she will.
And I would love some breaks during the day. But I do have a very small baby. Perhaps me wanting them is sort of--unrealistic? For my baby at this time?

So I can't do housework right now, really. So I can't cook, much. So what? Will it be like that in two months? Probably not. Two months ago...Lucy was two months old, and I was just going out of the house for the first time. I still felt as though I'd just gone through birth, where as now it's pretty...fuzzy. She didn't smile much then. She didn't crow. (She crows. Often while she's waiting to poop. It's very cute)
Somehow, deciding Lucy does not have a Problem makes me feel better. I was actually relaxed getting her to bed tonight (despite her having major sleep deprivation from nap Experiments today).
I might get used to not having a Problem.

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