the experts

Why do I do it to myself?
I got a baby book in the mail the other day. A friend had mentioned it (not a recommendation; she just said she was reading it) and so I got it at Paperback Swap.
It's a perfectly fine book. Pretty middle-of-the-road philosophy-wise. Looking back on flipping through it, I disagreed with some stuff, but that's pretty standard for parenting books. Other stuff I thought was helpful. Also standard.
Then there was the other 50 percent of the book that I wasn't sure if I agreed with or not. It sounded convincing. (And remember, I believe pretty much everything I read).
So when I finished skimming it, I felt completely inadequate. Like I had done the wrong thing since Day One with Lucy and it was going to require a Major Upheaval of our lives and patterns to get things Back On Track.

Oh, those experts. Americans love experts.
I love experts. And hate them.

I had always heard the saying, "Babies don't come with manuals," and nodded, naively. (Thinking--what moron thinks babies come with manuals? How hard can diapering be?) I figured the expression meant you had to learn the skills as you went.
What I didn't realize is that it is not the basic tasks you need a manual for (diapers are pretty standard stuff) but the day-to-day reality of your unique child in your unique house, city, family, and circumstance. All unique! Your baby will fit the book descriptions in Some Areas, not all. And only generally. No one can tell you what to do when your daughter's nap schedule gets out of whack and starts falling asleep on your lap an hour before her bedtime. (Let her nap and have a completely late bedtime? Wake her up and put an extremely cranky baby to bed waaaaay early?) There are literally thousands of decisions to make every day. Socks or footed pants? Onesie or t-shirt? Hat or blanket? Pee now or later? Left breast or right? Floor play time or sling? Is she fussy because she's hungry or tired or has to pee or is bored? All mundane decisions, and all extremely pressing.
So no one can really tell you what to do! (Or they can, and will, but you are allowed to ignore them.) Sometimes I desperately want someone to tell me what to do. Sometimes I try to get my pro mommy friends to do this. But they aren't biting. Sometimes I get my knickers in a twist when I suspect people are trying to tell me what to do.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could decide what I wanted?

So, last night, I got all sad and fearful that I'd ruined Lucy (who, by the way, was sleeping, peacefully and happily.) But by the light of the morning, (and after some rest) I decided I didn't really care so much what the book said. For one, my friend who has used it has had some (but not complete) success with it. Pretty much par for the course with parenting books. For another, I feel pretty good about the decisions we've made. Sometimes I don't like their short-term results, but they were decisions, not accidents. Also, I think parenting can be largely done by instinct. The more I pay attention to my child, the better off I am. Also, the woman who wrote the book has a business of going to peoples' homes to troubleshoot their childrearing.
That kind of creeps me out.
I don't really want or need that kind of intervention. We're doing just fine, thank you very much.
Don't you think?